Generally speaking kiddies, truth is stranger than fiction.
Uncle Frankie was checking some statistics on his site today and came across an odd search term someone had used to find him:
“jewish signs of the apocalypse”
Not understanding what could possibly be the connection, I decided to run a search on that term myself through Google and was proud to learn that, out of 142,000 results, this contribution was Number Four in Your Hearts.
You know what the difference between Truth and Fiction is kids?
Fiction has to make sense.
Andrew "Am I going to be someone's jailhouse bitch?" Harris is on the left, while Michael "Yeah I did it and I'd do it again" Cline is on the right
There are some acts that are so beyond stupidity that they cannot be attributed to mental defect, drug abuse or youthful idiocy.
Such is the case of these two morons, who were recently arrested for throwing their own feces into the huge swimming pool at St. Petersburg’s swankiest hotel, the Renaissance Vinoy Resort & Golf Club.
The two idiots in question, eighteen-year-old Andrew Harris and 19-year-old Michael Cline were captured on surveillance video scaling the fence around the pool and then, well, this quote from abcactionnews.com says it all:
According to a police report the video shows Harris “deficated in his shorts, reached into his shorts and fling feces all over the pool.” Police say Harris then reached into his shorts, grabbed another handful of feces, dove into the pool and smeared it along the bottom of the pool in the shape of an “X.”
Both teens then climbed into the hotel’s hot tub where police found them a short time later.
Harris decided the best way to pull off this caper was to shit his pants? For some reason that has never occurred to me as the optimal course of action – particularly as the first step in my plan.
These two boneheads make me ashamed to be a white male, ashamed that I was ever their age, hell they make me ashamed to be a human being!
I can hardly wait to hear what their punishment will be. Stay tuned…
First off, let me apologize in advance to all of you people who may be offended, shocked or just plain grossed out by the subject matter of this posting.
True, I didn’t “have to” post this material. But I really didn’t feel I had any choice. These pictures are so outrageous and so hilarious that they were absolutely made for this site.
If you don’t like it, don’t look. Well, even if you do look you’re almost sure not to like it. This is the phallic equivalent of a train wreck: you can’t look away.
Believe it or not, there was one picture I chose not to include in this gallery because it is just too rude!
Just left Jacko's plastic surgeon's office
Here he is ladies, Mr. Wonderful
I wonder which way this dude swings?
I saw this woman interviewed on the Today show. She eats 5,000 calories per day and can't gain weight. She's 5' 7" and 60 lbs.
She never says no
Regular readers know that I often question why women put up with men. But let’s face it ladies, life with you guys isn’t always a joyride.
As quoted from an episode in the original Star Trek series, women are truly “The bringers of pain and delight.”
So what’s a guy to do? You can’t live with ’em and you can’t live without ’em.
Apparently, thousands of American men (like Dave Cat, pictured here with his half-white, half-Japanese “wife” Shidora) have decided that the answer is to pay $6,500 for a lifelike doll.
According to the National Geographic web site promoting their series Taboo:
- Doll lovers can sometimes be referred to “iDollators,” and seek a community of others online, mashing together the ideas of art and pornography that brings a very thin line between desire, lust, and fetishism.
- Thousands of men pay $6,500 for each doll.
- The reason for having a love doll vary among owners. Psychiatrists say there’s no one common denominator behind all love doll owners.
- For some men, doll love can hinder normal emotional development, since intimacy with real people is an important part of maturity.
- Men sometimes carry on the complete control over the dolls to relationships with real women, which may inflict harm, emotionally and physically.
In spite of my myriad issues dealing with the opposite sex, I’m not ready to go quite this far.
It doesn't make him a bad person
According to this story from the AP, Dutch officials in Amsterdam are considering having undercover agents pose as “Decoy Jews” in order to combat hate crimes.
“For ten years now Jews who are recognizable as such from their clothing can’t walk peacefully on the street,” the Center for Information and Documentation Israel, a Jewish activist group, said in a statement Friday. “The perpetrators of this kind of incident almost always get away unpunished.”
I’m sure this is a great idea but my question is, who does the casting for this part and what criteria are used to decide whether a given undercover agent would make an effective Decoy Jew?
Will they look for the same stereotypical facial features that your average bigot would recognize as distinctively Jewish? Or will they go truly undercover and bring in blond-haired blue-eyed Dutch boys and plop yarmulkes on their heads?
Kids, your old Uncle Frankie has been mistaken for a Decoy Jew many times in the past, without incident or offense. While I am not Jewish (strictly speaking or strictly kosher) some of my best friends are, God bless them.
These days, in keeping with the demographic changes sweeping the nation, I’m going for more of a Stealth Mexican look.