Category Archives: Death

The Baddest Man on the Planet: Cliff Edge

Click here to order this demotivational poster and many others from motifake.com.

Advertisements

Porn Kills!

As little boys growing up, we all heard the warnings about going blind, growing hair on your palms, burning in hell for eternity, etc.

But apparently, the negative effects of self-gratification are even more severe for women and can include sudden death!

Listen up out there ladies, this is a need-to-know situation.

According to this story on the Daily Mail web site, 30 year-old British nanny Nichola Paginton managed to masturbate to death last October in her Cirencester home.

A 30-year-old woman’s death as she used a sex toy while watching pornography was probably due to her state of sexual excitement, an inquest heard today.

Children’s nanny Nichola Paginton was found dead in bed naked from the waist down last October with pornographic material running on her laptop. A sex toy was discovered next to her.

A Home Office pathologist told the inquest in Gloucester that Miss Paginton died from a sudden heart arrhythmia, probably brought on by her state of arousal.

Gloucestershire coroner Alan Crickmore agreed it was likely that ‘her activity before death’ contributed to the fatal arrhythmia.

I hesitate to make light of someone’s untimely death, so let’s just take what we can learn from poor Nicola’s misfortune and move on:

  1. Always wait 30 minutes after eating
  2. No more than one piece of technology in bed at any time
  3. Stay well hydrated
  4. Lather, rinse, repeat.

Who’s Your Daddy?

A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered.

Upon their arrival, the doctor said that the hospital was testing an amazing new high-tech machine that would transfer a portion of the mother’s labor pain to the baby’s father.

He asked if they were interested.

Both said they were very much in favor of it.

The doctor set the pain transfer to 10% for starters, explaining that even 10% was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before. But as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and kick it up a notch.

The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% pain transfer.

The husband was still feeling fine.

The doctor then checked the husband’s blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing.

At this point they decided to try for 50%. The husband continued to feel quite well.

Since the pain transfer was obviously helping the wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him.

The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain and the husband had experienced none.

She and her husband were ecstatic.

When they got home they found the postman dead on the porch.

“Hugs and smiles” to Vicki O for sending this one in.

Heads On A Plane!

Heads On A Plane!Yikes kids! According to this story on the NBC Dallas web site, a box filled with 40-60 human heads was discovered by a suspicious Southwest Airlines employee in Little Rock.

The employee stopped a courier and asked “What’s in the box?” When the courier professed not to know the answer the airline guy opened the box, looked in and got the surprise of his life.

This is definitely a case of You Know You’re Having A Bad Day At Work When…