Category Archives: Jokes

A Gay Man Walks Into A Bar…

At the end of a tiny deserted bar in downtown Detroit sat a huge black man. He was having a few beers when a short, well dressed, and obviously gay man walked in and sat beside him.

After three or four beers, the gay man got the courage to say a few words to the big black man.

Leaning over towards him, he whispered, “Do you want a blow job?”

At this, the massive black man leaped up with fire in his eyes, and smacked the crap out of the gay man, knocking him swiftly off his stool. He proceeded to beat him all the way out of the bar before leaving him bruised and battered in the parking lot and returned to his seat.

Amazed, the bartender quickly brought over another beer to the black man and said, “I’ve never seen you react like that. What did he say to you?”

“I don’t know,” the black man replied. “Something about a job.”

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How Moses Got The 10 Commandments

As you know kids, Uncle Frankie is a proud equal-opportunity offender.

In keeping with that long-standing tradition, if you are not personally offended by something in the following joke, well, you should be offended.

Why?

Because the only time I don’t offend someone is if I don’t like them.

How Moses Got The 10 Commandments

God went to the Arabs and said, ‘I have Commandments for you that will make your lives better.’

The Arabs asked, ‘What are Commandments?’

And the Lord said, ‘They are rules for living.’

‘Can you give us an example?’

‘Thou shall not kill.’

‘Not kill? We’re not interested.’

So He went to the Blacks and said, ‘I have Commandments.’

The Blacks wanted an example, and the Lord said, ‘Honor thy Father and Mother.’

‘Father? We don’t know who our fathers are. We’re not interested.’

Then He went to the Mexicans and said, ‘I have Commandments.’

The Mexicans also wanted an example, and the Lord said ‘Thou shall not steal.’

‘Not steal? We’re not interested.’

Then He went to the French and said, ‘I have Commandments.’

The French too wanted an example and the Lord said, ‘Thou shall not commit adultery’

Sacre blue!!! Not commit adultery? We’re not interested.’

Finally, He went to the Jews and said, ‘I have Commandments.’

‘Commandments?’ They said, ‘How much are they?’

‘They’re free.’

‘We’ll take 10.’

Thanks to RJ for this one.

Sensitivity Test for Men

This test is intended exclusively for straight, red-blooded U.S. Males.

Please answer each question below as quickly and honestly as possible.

If you answer more than zero questions either “A” or “B” you must turn in your American Manly Men membership card at the nearest Curves Fitness Center

  1. In the company of females, intercourse should be referred to as:
    A. Lovemaking.
    B. Screwing.
    C. Riding the baloney pony all the way to tuna town.
  2. You should make love to a woman for the first time only after you have both shared:
    A. Your views about what you expect from a sexual relationship.
    B. Your blood-test results.
    C. Five tequila slammers.
  3. You time your orgasm so that:
    A. Your partner climaxes first.
    B. You both climax simultaneously.
    C. You don’t miss ESPN Sports Center.
  4. Passionate, spontaneous sex on the kitchen floor is:
    A. Healthy, creative love-play..
    B. Not the sort of thing your wife would agree to.
    C. Not the sort of thing your wife needs to ever find out about.
  5. Spending the whole night cuddling a woman you have just had sex with is:
    A. The best part of the experience.
    B. The second best part of the experience.
    C. $700 extra.
  6. Your wife/girlfriend says she’s gained five pounds in the last month. You tell her that it is:
    A. Of no influence on your affectionate feelings for her.
    B. Not a problem, she can join your gym.
    C. A conservative estimate.
  7. You think today’s sensitive, caring man is:
    A. A myth.
    B. An oxymoron.
    C. A moron.
  8. Foreplay is to sex as:
    A. An appetizer is to entree.
    B. Primer is to paint.
    C. A long line is to an amusement park ride.
  9. Which of the following are you most likely to find yourself saying at the end of a relationship?
    A. I hope we can still be friends.
    B. I’m not in right now, please leave a message at the beep.
    C. Welcome to Dumpsville, USA. Population, YOU.
  10. A woman who is uncomfortable watching you masturbate:
    A. Probably needs a little more time before she can cope with that sort of intimacy.
    B. Is uptight and a waste of time.
    C. Shouldn’t have sat next to you on the bus in the first place

Muchas Gracias to Geno The Magnificent for sending this one in over the transom.

Clear As A Bell

Twelve Italian priests were about to be ordained. The final test was for them to line up in a straight row, totally nude, in a garden while a sexy, beautiful, big breasted, nude model danced before them.

Each priest had a small bell attached to his weenie, and they were told that anyone whose bell rang when she danced in front of them would not be ordained because he had not reached a state of spiritual purity.

The beautiful model danced before the first candidate with no reaction. She proceeded down the line with the same response from all the priests until she got to the final priest, Carlo.

Poor Carlo. As she danced, his bell began to ring so loudly that it flew off, clattering across the ground and laid to rest in nearby foliage.

Embarrassed, Carlo quickly scrambled to where the bell came to rest.

He bent over to pick it up…….. and all the other bells started to ring.

Props to RJ for sending this one in.

So You Think You Know Baseball?

I went to a Washington Nationals baseball game the other night and had the misfortune of sitting in front an “expert” who analyzed every play at 120 decibels.

I wonder if he could read me the score of this game…

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It’s 5 to 4, bottom of the fifth, one out and nobody on.

Kiwis Invented The Condom, But Limeys Perfected It

In 1872 the Kiwi’s (New Zealanders) invented the condom by using a sheep intestine.

In 1873 the English refined the idea by taking the intestine out of the sheep.