Category Archives: History

How Moses Got The 10 Commandments

As you know kids, Uncle Frankie is a proud equal-opportunity offender.

In keeping with that long-standing tradition, if you are not personally offended by something in the following joke, well, you should be offended.

Why?

Because the only time I don’t offend someone is if I don’t like them.

How Moses Got The 10 Commandments

God went to the Arabs and said, ‘I have Commandments for you that will make your lives better.’

The Arabs asked, ‘What are Commandments?’

And the Lord said, ‘They are rules for living.’

‘Can you give us an example?’

‘Thou shall not kill.’

‘Not kill? We’re not interested.’

So He went to the Blacks and said, ‘I have Commandments.’

The Blacks wanted an example, and the Lord said, ‘Honor thy Father and Mother.’

‘Father? We don’t know who our fathers are. We’re not interested.’

Then He went to the Mexicans and said, ‘I have Commandments.’

The Mexicans also wanted an example, and the Lord said ‘Thou shall not steal.’

‘Not steal? We’re not interested.’

Then He went to the French and said, ‘I have Commandments.’

The French too wanted an example and the Lord said, ‘Thou shall not commit adultery’

Sacre blue!!! Not commit adultery? We’re not interested.’

Finally, He went to the Jews and said, ‘I have Commandments.’

‘Commandments?’ They said, ‘How much are they?’

‘They’re free.’

‘We’ll take 10.’

Thanks to RJ for this one.

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The Top 10 Cartoon Theme Songs

While I don’t agree with most of Time Magazine’s choices on this list (where’s Tom Slick, George of the Jungle or The Banana Splits?), it’s still a fun trip down memory lane.

Enjoy!

Kiwis Invented The Condom, But Limeys Perfected It

In 1872 the Kiwi’s (New Zealanders) invented the condom by using a sheep intestine.

In 1873 the English refined the idea by taking the intestine out of the sheep.

Kim Jong-il to Obama: Give Me All Your Money Yo!

Me love you long time!

North Korea’s long-running policy of quietly extorting money from the U.S. and South Korea through threat of force has finally come out in the open.

According to this story on the Australian Broadcasting Company web site, the normally secretive regime of Supreme Leader Kim Jong-il is seeking $65 trillion (that’s right, with a T) in damages it says the U.S. has caused North Korea in the 60 years since the beginning of the Korean War.

KCNA (the North Korean news agency) said the figure includes $US26.1 trillion arising from US “atrocities” which left more than 5 million North Koreans dead, wounded, kidnapped or missing.

The agency also claims 60 years of US sanctions have caused a loss of $US13.7 trillion by 2005, while property losses were estimated at $US16.7 trillion.

Personally, I would agree that North Korea has lost trillions of dollars in the last 60 years. Just look at the difference between the standard of living there and in South Korea. The only area where Uncle Frankie and Dear Leader disagree is in where to place the blame. It’s all on you Lil’ Kim!

This would be funnier if it weren’t for the real threat that North Korea poses. They can stir-up real trouble in a Pyongyang minute and everyone knows it. What the hell? If we can bail out AIG why not the DPRK?

Beneath The Valley Of The Ultravixens

Found a great new video site today: Weirdo Video. Here’s the first of what I’m sure will be a lot of films I’ll be bringing you; the theatrical trailer for the Russ Meyer “sexploitation” film (co-written by Roger Ebert), Beneath The Valley Of The Ultravixens.

There’s a great run-on sentence in the middle of the voice-over. I’d love to have a transcription of it.

Uncle Frankie: Circa 1974

What’s the best reason for a guy to go into music? For the ladies! Lord knows that’s why I did.

This was my final appearance on Soviet TV. But don’t worry ladies, 36 years later and I am STILL getting it done!

Uncle Frankie: Witness to History

Just came across this photo on FoundShit.com. Man, did it take me back to the day… Why? Because I once knew this guy.

If you are of a certain age you may remember the original Life Magazine photograph (shown farther down in this post along with the very disturbing NBC News video clip) from which this piece of street art is adapted. The fact that the image was used 40 years after the original incident as the inspiration for a random piece of street art, attests to its power and historical significance.

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Taken February 2, 1968, the second day of the Tet Offensive by Eddie Adams, who won a Pulitzer Prize for it, the photo shows South Vietnamese National Police Chief Brigadier General Nguyen Ngoc Loan, executing a Viet Cong prisoner on the street in Saigon. Some have dubbed the shot “The Instant of Death.”

Here are some historical tidbits related to the story:

Adams snapped his unforgettable shot on day two of the Tet Offensive. Tet was a coordinated assault by more than 80,000 North Vietnamese and VC troops on 36 (of 44) provincial capitals, 5 (of 6) autonomous cities, and 64 (of 242) district capitals in South Vietnam. It was a surprise attack during a holiday truce (for the Vietnamese New Year). The fighting lasted a few months in several different theaters. It ended with a resounding American victory. But media coverage in general, and Adams’s photograph in particular, transformed it into a Pyrrhic victory.

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So, what does all of this have to do with your friend Frank?

In the early 1980s a small, family-owned restaurant called Les Trois Continents opened in the Rolling Valley Mall near my home in Springfield, Virginia. Shortly thereafter, a very small, soft-spoken Vietnamese man came to our print shop to get some menus typeset and printed for the restaurant. I soon learned that he was none other than Nguyen Ngoc Loan, the man firing the pistol in the photo.

The restaurant’s name means The Three Continents in French and refers to Vietnam’s history as the French colony, French Indochina. Like many members of the wealthier class in Vietnam, General Loan was born in Vietnam, educated in France and immigrated to the United States after the fall of Saigon. Hence the name.

Our family went to his restaurant many times because of the great food and friendly service. I only asked General Loan about the incident once. He acknowledged his identity but said he would prefer not to speak about the event. His only comment was that the picture was taken out of context and that he had no regrets about his actions.

“There is no way you could understand what was going on that day,” he said and left it with that. Hard to disagree.

To this day, the contradiction of the man confounds me. He was about 5′ 2″, maybe 95 lbs., had a severe leg injury and walked very slowly and feebly with the aid of a cane. He was funny, worldly, polite and humble. And yet this same man was capable of calmly drawing a pistol from his hip, shooting an unarmed, bound man directly in the temple in front of scores of witnesses, returning his gun just as matter-of factly to his holster and quietly walking away, leaving the man in the street like a dog with his brains and blood running out.

If nothing else, this is testimony to the fact that you just never know a person’s back story when you meet them.

In spite of the great food and service, the restaurant did not do very well and closed a couple of years later. I never saw General Loan again.

That’s today’s entry from the Frankie File kids. Below is the short video clip from NBC News. BE ADVISED: you will probably never see such graphic, real violence anywhere else.

In doing my research for this posting, I came across this interview with Eddie Adams, the photographer. He says that the photo ruined Loan’s life. He was severely wounded in the leg and sent to the states for medical treatment and recovery. Watch this short interview, it’s a very interesting postscript to the whole story and also ties into my part.

This is about as heavy as it comes from me kids. More funny stuff later, I swear!