Category Archives: Music

Uncle Frankie: Circa 1974

What’s the best reason for a guy to go into music? For the ladies! Lord knows that’s why I did.

This was my final appearance on Soviet TV. But don’t worry ladies, 36 years later and I am STILL getting it done!

Pants On The Ground

It’s been a long time since my last post, I know. Sorry about that folks. And I know that “Pants On The Ground” is not exactly breaking news. But, when I realized that tears were streaming down my face as I laughed my ass off watching this video, I just had to post it. It definitely fit with my Rule Number One.

You can see a bunch of other versions of this song at this link, but the one above was my favorite.

Fanfare Please

I wonder what 20th Century Fox thinks about this little piece of film.

Talent is like pornography: it’s hard to define but you know it when you see it.

Pussy & Coke & Weed & Beer

I’ve only been in Arizona for three months but in that short period of time I have met some of the most amazing people ever.

pussy-n-coke-n-weed-n-beerOne prime example: Jon Weil (pronounced While). I found Jon’s recording studio, Fuzzy Wallz Studio, on Craig’s List and called him up about recording a song my friend George West wrote called Guilty (more on that in future posts).

Jon and I hit it off on the phone immediately and my first session at his studio yesterday was an absolute blast.

He is a talented musician and songwriter, experienced recording engineer and has every piece of gear you could ever want. If you’re in the Phoenix area and looking for a great place to record your tunes, give Jon a call.

So what does all this have to do with Pussy & Coke & Weed & Beer? That’s the title of a song Jon wrote and recorded which is absolutely hilarious – and more than a little bit twisted! Click the play button below and prepare for a good long laugh.

Happy to have made your acquaintance Jon. I have a feeling we’ll be creating and laughing together for a good long time.

BTW: for those of you old enough to remember, Jon’s song sounds a bit like the 1966 novelty hit They’re Coming To Take Me Away Ha Ha, recorded by by Napoleon XIV, aka Jerry Samuels. Learn more at this Wikipedia article.

Frankie and Johnny, Revisited

About 100 years ago, three guys got together and wrote a song called Frankie and Johnny.

frankie-and-johnnyI became aware of it as a kid because one of the dads in my neighborhood used to sing a refrain from it every time I came over to his house to play with his kids.

I really hated that. I hated being called Frankie and didn’t want in any way to be connected to some ancient song.

Then one day, for some reason, I felt inspired to write a song modeled after it. And these days I call myself Frankie. Ain’t life strange kids?

In the original version, Frankie is the girl and Johnny “was her man, and he was doin’ her wrong.”

In my version the story gets turned around. The guy finds out his woman is running around on him but decides he doesn’t mind that as long as she doesn’t make it so obvious.

Much like the original version, which was written as a Ragtime tune, I play my song in a barrel house piano style with a walking left hand. At the very end I reprise the original melody line. See if you recognize it.

BTW: Sorry about the poor fidelity. This was recorded in a small room with a single mic hanging from the ceiling!

Frankie and Johnny, Revisited

I went downtown a fortnight ago
Saw my old lady with my old buddy Joe
Found out that night she don’t love me no more
Baby been messin’, leave me all alone

Baby oh Baby why you do me this way?
Everybody knows how you run and play
And now people been talkin’ my name into the mud
How’s about some discretion?
‘Preciate it if you would

I really don’t care if you don’t love me
I only really care what other people see
Let’s show ’em we’re happy and so much in love
You can have other lovers but let’s us be in love

Performed with my Butterface bandmates, George West on guitar (and “vocals”) and Adam Mason on drums.

Copyright 2008

Testosterone Blues

Take 19 parts Carbon, 28 parts Hydrogen and 2 parts Oxygen, mix ’em all up and what do you get?

Possibly the most powerful chemical known to humankind.

With His eye on perpetuating the species, God knew what He was doing when He whipped up this little baby.

Unfortunately, He forgot to list the side effects.

It’s crazy. Men will rape, kill, abuse children, start wars, ruin their business or political career, cheat on women they love and do stupid stuff like pay a million euros to deflower an Italian supermodel – just to get their rocks off.

Don’t believe me? Ask Bill Clinton, Marion Barry, John Wayne Gacy, Jimmy Swaggart, Wilbur Mills, Ted Bundy, Al Bundy, Jim McGreevey, Elliott Spitzer, Gary Hart, Hugh Grant, Jack The Ripper, Kwame Kilpatrick, Eddie Murphy, John F. Kennedy, Pat O’Brien, Thomas Jefferson, Barney Frank, Joey Buttafuoco, Jim Bakker, Frank Gifford, John Edwards, Old Greg, Wayne Hays, Sampson, Harry Nilsson, Paris, Napoleon, Adam, any random collection of British politicians or just about any woman who’s ever had to deal with any man,

And as for me? Sometime in my early 20s the whole crazy business struck me as so profound I felt compelled to write a song about it.

This recording of Testosterone Blues was produced in the late 1980s but written several years earlier. Though the lyrics are spoken in the first person, the voice is intended as that of all confused, helpless men afflicted with TB worldwide.

As for my singing? Now that’s funny!

Testosterone Blues
My body dominates my mind
I can only think about one thing all the time
I need a woman to pacify my brain
And if I don’t get some soon I’m gonna go insane
I’m just a man trying to toe the line
But I’m leading myself to a life a crime with lust
I’m consumed with lust

My needs are not easily filled
Just to get a little people have been known to kill
But it’s a weakness most everybody’s known
In my darkness I am not alone
I know we need to carry on the race
But we’d be better off without a trace of lust
Without a trace of lust

Now you better look out for HIV
Single people out there don’t know what to do or be
I saw it last night on the evening news
Another case of Testosterone Blues

If I’d done just half the things I’ve thought
My natural life would be spent in jail no doubt
But in the Bible just thinking it’s a sin
So I guess old Saint Peter ain’t never gonna let me in
I’m sorry Lord for what I say
But it was You made me this way with lust
When You created lust

Copyright 2008 | All Rights Reserved

Do You Love Me?

I really don’t know how to describe this video, sent in by Chuck Carpenter.

It’s funny, it’s weird, it’s a bit long, it drags a little in the middle. But I’ve never seen anything quite like it before.

Unexpected references to Bootsy Collins and lines like “I’ve got a mangina” and “a funky ball of tits from outer space,” have earned Old Greg a revered spot on this site. Set aside 10 minutes and prepare to be transported to another world.