Category Archives: Frank’s Stuff

Jewish Signs of the Apocalypse

Newt Gingrich Rocking a YarmulkaGenerally speaking kiddies, truth is stranger than fiction.

Uncle Frankie was checking some statistics on his site today and came across an odd search term someone had used to find him:

“jewish signs of the apocalypse”

Not understanding what could possibly be the connection, I decided to run a search on that term myself through Google and was proud to learn that, out of 142,000 results, this contribution was Number Four in Your Hearts.

You know what the difference between Truth and Fiction is kids?

Fiction has to make sense.

jewish signs of the apocalypse
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Calling Mr. Hardcock! Calling Mr. Hardcock!

No Google Voice For You!I don’t know if you’re aware of the fairly long-running game of comparing the garbled transcriptions that users are getting from the free Google Voice service. It’s pretty big out there.

And now I know why.

Here is the first few words of a transcription I received from a Google Voice mail left for me this evening.

“Hey Frank, hard cock for with the A O X F Group, and I know it would be a long shot reaching you tonight, but…”

I have not altered a word.

In case you’re wondering, the caller’s actual name is Art Koster.

A “long shot?” “Reaching” me? I could go on like this all night!

Google: What’s not to like?

2010 in Review According to WordPress

In my last posting, I shared my Top 10 stories from 2010 with you. Below is what you, my reading public, found most fascinating over the past 12 months. Not surprisingly, your favorite topic was – wait for it – BOOBS!

Uncle Frankie is just shocked and amazed kiddies. Not really.

The funniest part is that, in three years of publishing this blog, I’ve only posted “Boob Content” twice that I can think of. And even then, the posts were not essentially about the boobs themselves. Nonetheless, there are certain truisms in life, one of which is that everyone – male or female – loves boobs.

The stats helper monkeys at WordPress.com mulled over how Stuff Frank Finds Funny did in 2010, and here’s a high level summary of its overall blog health:

Healthy blog!

The Blog-Health-o-Meterâ„¢ reads Wow.

Crunchy numbers

Featured image

The Louvre Museum has 8.5 million visitors per year. This blog was viewed about 120,000 times in 2010. If it were an exhibit at The Louvre Museum, it would take 5 days for that many people to see it.

In 2010, there were 106 new posts, growing the total archive of this blog to 192 posts. There were 147 pictures uploaded, taking up a total of 8mb. That’s about 3 pictures per week.

The busiest day of the year was August 23rd with 819 views. The most popular post that day was A Quarter-Million Chinese Boobs.

Where did they come from?

The top referring sites in 2010 were democraticunderground.com, alphainventions.com, 74.125.67.100, search.aol.com, and facebook.com.

Some visitors came searching, mostly for boobs, big boobs, asian boobs, asian tits, and big breasts.

Other interesting search phrases which brought visitors to Stuff Frank Finds Funny? Richard Heene, creepy clown(s), human caterpillar, 12 year old breasts, me love you long time, doll husband, 12 year old boy [I’m not making this up kids, these terms are from the logs] hairy ass, small penis, monkey meat, may I push in your stool, gay thong, you can’t fix stupid, mixed emotions, Marion Barry, mom boobs, weed and beer, long breasts (WTF?), old tits, gay bashing web sites, manly bike for sale, people running away (?), what the hell is victoria’s secret?, along with over 100 iterations of boobs, big boobs, big asian/chinese/japanese/australian boobs, boobs of 10 year-old girls, 12, 13 15 – you name it.

Attractions in 2010

These are the posts and pages that got the most views in 2010.

1

A Quarter-Million Chinese Boobs December 2008
10 comments

2

Kill Mom. Buy Boobs. September 2008
2 comments

3

Richard Heene To Appear on Wife Swap September 2008
73 comments

4

Richard and Mayumi Heene’s “Wife Swap” Performances October 2008
60 comments

5

Coulrophobia December 2008
2 comments

Life As A Salesman

If you’ve never worked in a serious sales job or known someone who has, you probably won’t get this video. If you have, this is going to crack you up!

I have done a great deal of sales work for a lot of different companies.

Sadly, this video sums up everything that sucks about doing this job – for many companies. Luckily, my current employer is nothing like this, recognizes all of these pitfalls and has a compensation plan that is exactly the opposite of what is portrayed here.

Unfortunately, this is the exception rather than the rule.

Many thanks to Yannis for sending this one in.

Eat Sh*t Rush Limbaugh!

Many moons ago I met a young man named Robert Egger. We were both in our 20s and Robert was managing a club in the Adams Morgan district of DC called the Childe Harold. Our acquaintance was brief, life moved on and we went our separate ways.

For the past 21 years Mr. Egger has been the Founder and President of DC Central Kitchen, which produces 4,500 meals per day for people who would otherwise go hungry, while simultaneously providing job training and almost 100% job placement for 400 unemployed people per year.

Last week Rush Limbaugh used his bully pulpit to call employees of non-profit organizations lazy idiots who are raping the American economy. Mr. Egger took exception to Rush’s radio rant and called him out on YouTube. The result is absolutely awesome!

The video is only 5:20 but if you can’t make it all the way through, be sure to fast-forward to the ending. It’s priceless.

Java Forever!

Alright kids, this one’s an inside joke that’s probably only going to be funny for Uncle Frankie and a small circle of his geeky friends who do programming and web development. But I had to post it nonetheless because it fulfilled my Rule #1: it made me laugh out loud.

While employed at a certain large company in the American Southwest, Your Friend Flicka (that’s me) engaged in a long-running battle with a German-born IT Director over using an a server running an open-source operating system instead of Microsoft .net, which this computer-controlling Kraut insisted on.

Believe me when I tell you, it was a six month-long corporate pissing contest of the highest order between me as the new guy and the long-established IT wonk who simply would not even consider any software or OS that didn’t come from Redmond. Long story short, I won the battle but lost the war.

I apologize to all of you who don’t get the humor of this one and demand to hear from that small number of you who are currently laughing your asses off.

Why I Support Arizona SB 1070

I’ve given a lot of thought to this and have even read the actual law online (unlike Barack Obama, Eric Holder or Janet Napolitano) before gracing you all with my opinion on the matter.

The fact is that those of us lucky enough to be American citizens have to identify ourselves, our citizenship, date of birth, place of residence, Social Security number and God knows what else on a daily basis here in the land of the free. So why shouldn’t illegal aliens be expected to do the same? Do they have more rights than legal citizens?

I hate Big Brother more than most people. I don’t like having to present my ID to the cops, at the bank, the DMV, the hospital or anywhere else. Screw ’em I say! But what choice do I have? That’s just the way it is and I have to suck it up along with EVERYONE else.

If I don’t want to live in a society with laws I can go build a cabin in Montana someplace and catch up on my reading. And if illegal immigrants don’t want to deal with it they don’t have to stay.

Today’s posting is spurred by an email I received which is quoted in its entirety below.

Consider this. As an ordinary American citizen I must show ID when:

  1. When pulled over by the Police.
  2. Making purchases on my credit card.
  3. When I verify medical insurance for a doctor’s appointment.
  4. When filling out a credit card or loan application.
  5. When applying for or renewing a driver’s license.
  6. When applying for any kind of insurance.
  7. When filling out college applications.
  8. When donating blood.
  9. When obtaining controlled prescription drugs.
  10. When making some debit purchases, especially if I’m out of state.
  11. When collecting a boarding pass for airline or train travel.
  12. When proving I am of legal age to buy booze and cigarettes.
  13. When voting at the polls.
  14. When applying for Social Security, Medicare & Medicaid benefits.
  15. When enlisting in the military.
  16. When entering a military base.
  17. When applying for food stamps.
  18. When applying for disability or economic assistance.
  19. When cashing a check.
  20. When entering my place of work.
  21. When applying for or renewing a passport

I’m sure there are more instances, but the point is that we citizens of the USA are required to prove who we are nearly every day. Why should people in this country illegally be exempt?

Last but not least, there is nothing in Arizona’s state law which is already not part of Federal law. So why did Arizona write and enact this law? Because the Feds were not enforcing the laws already on their books! Don’t be surprised if you start seeing more of these types of laws being enacted in states across the country.

Your thoughts?