Category Archives: Mr. Policeman

Uncle Frankie’s Top 10 for 2010

Well kids, another year has ended and, just like SportsCenter and Entertainment Tonight, Uncle Frankie is here to share his Top 10 Stories for 2010.

In no particular order, here they are:

1: Man Meets Cow, Man Screws Cow, Man Marries Cow

2: Technology Turns on a TSA Employee So He Turns on His Co-workers

3: The Rent Boy and The Reverend

4: Blowing Mr. Devito

5: School Board President Masturbates During Board Meeting

6: The Doll Husband

7: Father Gray Prefers The Older Boys

8: Going For More Beer

9: “Charlie Bit My Finger” Revisited

10: The Brazilian Love Dance

Those were not the most popular posts – you’ll see them shortly. They are just my personal favorites. Be sure to comment with some of your faves.

Here’s to hoping 2011 will bring us as much wacky human behavior to report on as last year did. No worries on that one kids.

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The Trunk Monkey

Apparently these ads from Suburban Auto Group (Sandy, OR) have been on YouTube since 2006. But until my BIL RJ sent this to me, I had never seen them before. How about you?

The first couple of spots are not as funny as the later ones. Stick with this one for a minute or more.

Muchas Gracias to RJ.

Bring In The Decoy Jews!

Decoy Jew?

It doesn't make him a bad person

According to this story from the AP, Dutch officials in Amsterdam are considering having undercover agents pose as “Decoy Jews” in order to combat hate crimes.

“For ten years now Jews who are recognizable as such from their clothing can’t walk peacefully on the street,” the Center for Information and Documentation Israel, a Jewish activist group, said in a statement Friday. “The perpetrators of this kind of incident almost always get away unpunished.”

I’m sure this is a great idea but my question is, who does the casting for this part and what criteria are used to decide whether a given undercover agent would make an effective Decoy Jew?

Will they look for the same stereotypical facial features that your average bigot would recognize as distinctively Jewish? Or will they go truly undercover and bring in blond-haired blue-eyed Dutch boys and plop yarmulkes on their heads?

Kids, your old Uncle Frankie has been mistaken for a Decoy Jew many times in the past, without incident or offense. While I am not Jewish (strictly speaking or strictly kosher) some of my best friends are, God bless them.

These days, in keeping with the demographic changes sweeping the nation, I’m going for more of a Stealth Mexican look.

You Wouldn’t Like Me When I’m Mad Marshal

What happens when an anger-management counselor pulls out a loaded handgun in a traffic dispute with two U.S. Marshals? He gets a year in prison, loses his job and is ordered to undergo anger management therapy.

According to this story from the AP, Jose Luis Avila, an anger-management counselor and former priest from Annandale, Virginia, lost his temper while driving by two men he felt were impeding his progress by standing in the road.

Jose’s solution? Pull out his gun and tell those boys to get off his road.

Remember Padre, when you feel the anger welling up, count to 10, forgive and move on.

Why I Support Arizona SB 1070

I’ve given a lot of thought to this and have even read the actual law online (unlike Barack Obama, Eric Holder or Janet Napolitano) before gracing you all with my opinion on the matter.

The fact is that those of us lucky enough to be American citizens have to identify ourselves, our citizenship, date of birth, place of residence, Social Security number and God knows what else on a daily basis here in the land of the free. So why shouldn’t illegal aliens be expected to do the same? Do they have more rights than legal citizens?

I hate Big Brother more than most people. I don’t like having to present my ID to the cops, at the bank, the DMV, the hospital or anywhere else. Screw ’em I say! But what choice do I have? That’s just the way it is and I have to suck it up along with EVERYONE else.

If I don’t want to live in a society with laws I can go build a cabin in Montana someplace and catch up on my reading. And if illegal immigrants don’t want to deal with it they don’t have to stay.

Today’s posting is spurred by an email I received which is quoted in its entirety below.

Consider this. As an ordinary American citizen I must show ID when:

  1. When pulled over by the Police.
  2. Making purchases on my credit card.
  3. When I verify medical insurance for a doctor’s appointment.
  4. When filling out a credit card or loan application.
  5. When applying for or renewing a driver’s license.
  6. When applying for any kind of insurance.
  7. When filling out college applications.
  8. When donating blood.
  9. When obtaining controlled prescription drugs.
  10. When making some debit purchases, especially if I’m out of state.
  11. When collecting a boarding pass for airline or train travel.
  12. When proving I am of legal age to buy booze and cigarettes.
  13. When voting at the polls.
  14. When applying for Social Security, Medicare & Medicaid benefits.
  15. When enlisting in the military.
  16. When entering a military base.
  17. When applying for food stamps.
  18. When applying for disability or economic assistance.
  19. When cashing a check.
  20. When entering my place of work.
  21. When applying for or renewing a passport

I’m sure there are more instances, but the point is that we citizens of the USA are required to prove who we are nearly every day. Why should people in this country illegally be exempt?

Last but not least, there is nothing in Arizona’s state law which is already not part of Federal law. So why did Arizona write and enact this law? Because the Feds were not enforcing the laws already on their books! Don’t be surprised if you start seeing more of these types of laws being enacted in states across the country.

Your thoughts?

Don’t Taze My Granny!

Screw you copper!

Screw you copper!

According to this story at CourthouseNews.com, ten brave officers from the El Reno, Oklahoma police department barged into a bedridden 86 year-old woman’s apartment and tasered and handcuffed her after she “took a more aggressive posture in her bed.”

The woman’s grandson had placed a 911 call to have EMTs evaluate her medical condition after she could not communicate to him when she had last taken her prescription medication. Instead of EMTs a whole posse of poh-lease showed up loaded for bear.

Granny got pissed and told the cops to beat it, at which point…

“Instead, the apparent leader of the police [defendant Thomas Duran] instructed another policeman to ‘Taser her!’ He stated in his report that the 86 year-old plaintiff ‘took a more aggressive posture in her bed,’ and that he was fearful for his safety and the safety of others.

“Lonnie Tinsley told them, ‘Don’t taze my Granny!’ to which they responded that they would Taser him; instead, they pulled him out of her apartment, took him down to the floor, handcuffed him and placed him in the back of a police car.

Tinsley says the cops capped it all off by having his grandmother “placed in the psychiatric ward at the direction of the El Reno police; she was held there for six days and released.”

“The police then proceeded to approach Ms. Varner in her bed and stepped on her oxygen hose until she began to suffer oxygen deprivation.

“The police then fired a Taser at her and only one wire struck her, in the left arm; the police then fired a second Taser, striking her to the right and left of the midline of her upper chest and applied high voltage, causing burns to her chest, extreme pain and to pass out.

“The police then grabbed Ms. Varner by her forearms and jerked hands together, causing her soft flesh to tear and bleed on her bed; they then handcuffed her.

“The police freed Lonnie Tinsley from his incarceration in the back of the police car and permitted him to accompany the ambulance with his grandmother.”

There’s a lesson here kids, the same one (and probably the only one I ever successfully) taught my kids: When Mr. Policeman comes into your life, the only three legitimate utterances are Yes Sir, No Sir, No Excuse Sir.

I guess old Granny just wasn’t raised right. And there ain’t no fixin’ that.

The Suspect Was Described As A Young Black Male

According to this article in the New York Daily News, Conrad Zdzierak (another z please?) wore an expensive “Hollywood quality” mask during a series of armed robberies to disguise the fact that he’s a white man.

His ruse would have worked except for the fact that someone saw the remnants of a dye-pack explosion inside his Volvo. Shortly thereafter, authorities found him hiding inside a motel room. He’s currently being held on $3 million bail.

I have to hand it to Johnny Law on this one. How would you ever find a black guy named Zdzierak driving a Volvo?