Category Archives: Religion

Jewish Signs of the Apocalypse

Newt Gingrich Rocking a YarmulkaGenerally speaking kiddies, truth is stranger than fiction.

Uncle Frankie was checking some statistics on his site today and came across an odd search term someone had used to find him:

“jewish signs of the apocalypse”

Not understanding what could possibly be the connection, I decided to run a search on that term myself through Google and was proud to learn that, out of 142,000 results, this contribution was Number Four in Your Hearts.

You know what the difference between Truth and Fiction is kids?

Fiction has to make sense.

jewish signs of the apocalypse

Uncle Frankie’s Top 10 for 2010

Well kids, another year has ended and, just like SportsCenter and Entertainment Tonight, Uncle Frankie is here to share his Top 10 Stories for 2010.

In no particular order, here they are:

1: Man Meets Cow, Man Screws Cow, Man Marries Cow

2: Technology Turns on a TSA Employee So He Turns on His Co-workers

3: The Rent Boy and The Reverend

4: Blowing Mr. Devito

5: School Board President Masturbates During Board Meeting

6: The Doll Husband

7: Father Gray Prefers The Older Boys

8: Going For More Beer

9: “Charlie Bit My Finger” Revisited

10: The Brazilian Love Dance

Those were not the most popular posts – you’ll see them shortly. They are just my personal favorites. Be sure to comment with some of your faves.

Here’s to hoping 2011 will bring us as much wacky human behavior to report on as last year did. No worries on that one kids.

How Moses Got The 10 Commandments

As you know kids, Uncle Frankie is a proud equal-opportunity offender.

In keeping with that long-standing tradition, if you are not personally offended by something in the following joke, well, you should be offended.

Why?

Because the only time I don’t offend someone is if I don’t like them.

How Moses Got The 10 Commandments

God went to the Arabs and said, ‘I have Commandments for you that will make your lives better.’

The Arabs asked, ‘What are Commandments?’

And the Lord said, ‘They are rules for living.’

‘Can you give us an example?’

‘Thou shall not kill.’

‘Not kill? We’re not interested.’

So He went to the Blacks and said, ‘I have Commandments.’

The Blacks wanted an example, and the Lord said, ‘Honor thy Father and Mother.’

‘Father? We don’t know who our fathers are. We’re not interested.’

Then He went to the Mexicans and said, ‘I have Commandments.’

The Mexicans also wanted an example, and the Lord said ‘Thou shall not steal.’

‘Not steal? We’re not interested.’

Then He went to the French and said, ‘I have Commandments.’

The French too wanted an example and the Lord said, ‘Thou shall not commit adultery’

Sacre blue!!! Not commit adultery? We’re not interested.’

Finally, He went to the Jews and said, ‘I have Commandments.’

‘Commandments?’ They said, ‘How much are they?’

‘They’re free.’

‘We’ll take 10.’

Thanks to RJ for this one.

Clear As A Bell

Twelve Italian priests were about to be ordained. The final test was for them to line up in a straight row, totally nude, in a garden while a sexy, beautiful, big breasted, nude model danced before them.

Each priest had a small bell attached to his weenie, and they were told that anyone whose bell rang when she danced in front of them would not be ordained because he had not reached a state of spiritual purity.

The beautiful model danced before the first candidate with no reaction. She proceeded down the line with the same response from all the priests until she got to the final priest, Carlo.

Poor Carlo. As she danced, his bell began to ring so loudly that it flew off, clattering across the ground and laid to rest in nearby foliage.

Embarrassed, Carlo quickly scrambled to where the bell came to rest.

He bent over to pick it up…….. and all the other bells started to ring.

Props to RJ for sending this one in.

Father Gray Prefers The Older Boys

Father Kevin J. Gray

Who says Catholic priests have a predilection for prepubescent boys?

Certainly not Father Kevin J. Gray, late of the Sacred Heart Parish in Waterbury, Connecticut.

According to this story in the Washington Post, Father Gray prefers boys old enough to require tuition payments, expensive wardrobes and rent checks in return for sexual favors. $1.3 million worth over the course of seven years. Allegedly.

Waterbury police have charged Gray with first-degree larceny. Arraignment was expected Tuesday in Waterbury Superior Court.

Gray, 64, used the money to stay at such hotels as the Waldorf-Astoria and on expensive clothing labels including Armani suits and Brooks Brothers, said Capt. Christopher Corbett. He also paid the college tuition and rent of two men he had met, Corbett said.

Sadly, the money the good Father was paying these rent-boys was coming right out of the collection plate. Not exactly doing the Lord’s work there, eh Father?

As I’ve said before, I have nothing against homosexuals, homosexual prostitutes or their clients. The thing that gets Uncle Frankie’s panties in a bunch is people who make a living telling the rest of how to live, not keeping their actions aligned with their words.

If you’re a Catholic who is offended by this posting – good for you! You should be offended – not by me but by Father Gray and every other supposed celibate who is living a double life while taking your confessions and contributions.

It would have been nice if God had made men without that extra ingredient of testosterone, but He didn’t. And acting like tens of thousands of grown men can go through their entire lives denying their sexuality isn’t just dogma, it’s idiocy.

Bring In The Decoy Jews!

Decoy Jew?

It doesn't make him a bad person

According to this story from the AP, Dutch officials in Amsterdam are considering having undercover agents pose as “Decoy Jews” in order to combat hate crimes.

“For ten years now Jews who are recognizable as such from their clothing can’t walk peacefully on the street,” the Center for Information and Documentation Israel, a Jewish activist group, said in a statement Friday. “The perpetrators of this kind of incident almost always get away unpunished.”

I’m sure this is a great idea but my question is, who does the casting for this part and what criteria are used to decide whether a given undercover agent would make an effective Decoy Jew?

Will they look for the same stereotypical facial features that your average bigot would recognize as distinctively Jewish? Or will they go truly undercover and bring in blond-haired blue-eyed Dutch boys and plop yarmulkes on their heads?

Kids, your old Uncle Frankie has been mistaken for a Decoy Jew many times in the past, without incident or offense. While I am not Jewish (strictly speaking or strictly kosher) some of my best friends are, God bless them.

These days, in keeping with the demographic changes sweeping the nation, I’m going for more of a Stealth Mexican look.

RentBoy.com: Favorite Site of Gay-Bashing Evangelist Dr. Boy-George Rekers

Oh kids, this one has everything!

Sex, lies, religion, hypocrisy, international intrigue and a web site called RentBoy.com. Uncle Frankie couldn’t be happier if he were gay.

Dr. Boy-George Rekers likes 'em young, tight - and male!

Dr. Boy-George Rekers likes 'em young, tight - and male!

I hardly know where to start with this story, so let’s take it in chronological order.

Back in 1983 Dr. Rekers, a Baptist minister and a professor of Neuropsychiatry & Behavioral Science Emeritus at the University of South Carolina School of Medicine, co-founded the anti-gay Family Research Council with televangelist Dr. James Dobson. Rekers is also a board member of the National Association for Research & Therapy of Homosexuality (NARTH) and over the years has been a vehement opponent of same-sex marriage and legal rights for gay partners while trying to convince people to “stop being gay” through therapy.

You with me so far?

Fast-forward to last month. Rekers and a young male escort who likes to be called “Lucien” (oh my, too much like Lucifer?) meet on RentBoy.com. Three guesses what that site’s all about.

Rekers invites Lucien to spend 10 days with him in Europe, ostensibly to carry his luggage (“you’ve got enough foreskin to make a set of luggage!”) because of a supposed problem with Rekers’ back.

Sadly for Rekers, upon their return, he and Lucien were spotted by a reporter for the Miami New Times walking through Miami International Airport after picking up their “bags.” Oddly, Rekers was pushing a cart with a huge pile of suitcases in spite of his infirmity.

When asked what was going on, Rekers said he was only “trying to save the soul of a lost sinner” but the reporter wasn’t buying it and things quickly spun out of control – he’s been lampooned by everyone from Steven Colbert to Jay Leno.

Rekers has subsequently released a statement saying in part that he took Lucien to Europe to “inspire him to accept Jesus into his heart and renounce his homosexuality.”

Rekers please!

Now dear reader, if you’re in the market for a discrete homosexual rental situation, please don’t look to RentBoy.com. Here are a couple of choice tidbits Lucien had to share about Dr. Rekers after spending 10 days alone with him:

“It’s a situation where he’s going against homosexuality when he is a homosexual,”

“In all honesty, he should disassociate himself from these [anti-gay] groups.”

Rekers allegedly named his favorite maneuver the “long stroke” — a complicated caress “across his penis, thigh… and his anus over the butt cheeks,” as the escort puts it. “Rekers liked to be rubbed down there,” he says.

YIKES! One thing I’ll say for Dr. Rekers; he knows what he likes. I think.

The “bottom” line for Uncle Frankie: I’m sick and tired of people telling other people how to live. I don’t care if Dr. Boy-George is gay, I don’t care what Lucien does for a living and I have no problem with the two of them engaging in a business transaction of this type.

The only thing I have a problem with is Dr. Boy-George spending 27 years telling gays they are going to hell and trying to “cure” them therapeutically. I’d be pissed about that even if he didn’t turn about to be a bone-smoking hypocrite.

As far as I’m concerned the same thing goes for the hierarchy of the Catholic church and everything that group of dried-up old men have to say about anything regarding other people’s morals. When it comes to living in a glass house you have to go a long way to beat stained glass windows.

Phew! I’m so worked up I’m shaking too hard to step down off my soapbox. Somebody get me a drink and Lucien on the phone. I think I need a rubdown!