Category Archives: Sex

Sensitivity Test for Men

This test is intended exclusively for straight, red-blooded U.S. Males.

Please answer each question below as quickly and honestly as possible.

If you answer more than zero questions either “A” or “B” you must turn in your American Manly Men membership card at the nearest Curves Fitness Center

  1. In the company of females, intercourse should be referred to as:
    A. Lovemaking.
    B. Screwing.
    C. Riding the baloney pony all the way to tuna town.
  2. You should make love to a woman for the first time only after you have both shared:
    A. Your views about what you expect from a sexual relationship.
    B. Your blood-test results.
    C. Five tequila slammers.
  3. You time your orgasm so that:
    A. Your partner climaxes first.
    B. You both climax simultaneously.
    C. You don’t miss ESPN Sports Center.
  4. Passionate, spontaneous sex on the kitchen floor is:
    A. Healthy, creative love-play..
    B. Not the sort of thing your wife would agree to.
    C. Not the sort of thing your wife needs to ever find out about.
  5. Spending the whole night cuddling a woman you have just had sex with is:
    A. The best part of the experience.
    B. The second best part of the experience.
    C. $700 extra.
  6. Your wife/girlfriend says she’s gained five pounds in the last month. You tell her that it is:
    A. Of no influence on your affectionate feelings for her.
    B. Not a problem, she can join your gym.
    C. A conservative estimate.
  7. You think today’s sensitive, caring man is:
    A. A myth.
    B. An oxymoron.
    C. A moron.
  8. Foreplay is to sex as:
    A. An appetizer is to entree.
    B. Primer is to paint.
    C. A long line is to an amusement park ride.
  9. Which of the following are you most likely to find yourself saying at the end of a relationship?
    A. I hope we can still be friends.
    B. I’m not in right now, please leave a message at the beep.
    C. Welcome to Dumpsville, USA. Population, YOU.
  10. A woman who is uncomfortable watching you masturbate:
    A. Probably needs a little more time before she can cope with that sort of intimacy.
    B. Is uptight and a waste of time.
    C. Shouldn’t have sat next to you on the bus in the first place

Muchas Gracias to Geno The Magnificent for sending this one in over the transom.

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Tiger In Training

I’m not looking at her ass. I swear, I’m not looking at her ass. No, really!

My favorite part of this photo is how intently the other guys ARE looking at her ass.

Could we get a little better angle here Mr. Photographer?

The Best Tattoo In The World

This guy thought he had The Best Tattoo In The World.

 

Until he went to jail.

 


Nice rack pal!

Muchos besos to Vicki O for sending this one in.

Clear As A Bell

Twelve Italian priests were about to be ordained. The final test was for them to line up in a straight row, totally nude, in a garden while a sexy, beautiful, big breasted, nude model danced before them.

Each priest had a small bell attached to his weenie, and they were told that anyone whose bell rang when she danced in front of them would not be ordained because he had not reached a state of spiritual purity.

The beautiful model danced before the first candidate with no reaction. She proceeded down the line with the same response from all the priests until she got to the final priest, Carlo.

Poor Carlo. As she danced, his bell began to ring so loudly that it flew off, clattering across the ground and laid to rest in nearby foliage.

Embarrassed, Carlo quickly scrambled to where the bell came to rest.

He bent over to pick it up…….. and all the other bells started to ring.

Props to RJ for sending this one in.

Kiwis Invented The Condom, But Limeys Perfected It

In 1872 the Kiwi’s (New Zealanders) invented the condom by using a sheep intestine.

In 1873 the English refined the idea by taking the intestine out of the sheep.

The Male Life Cycle

When I was 13, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend with big tits.

When I was 16 I got a girlfriend with big tits, but there was no passion, so I decided I needed a passionate girl with a zest for life.

In college I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything was an emergency; she was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatened suicide. So I decided I needed a girl with stability.

When I was 25 I found a very stable girl but she was boring. She was totally predictable and never got excited about anything. Life became so dull that I decided that I needed a girl with some excitement.

When I was 28, I found an exciting girl, but I couldn’t keep up with her. She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything. She did mad impetuous things and made me miserable as often as
happy. She was great fun initially and very energetic, but directionless. So I decided to find a girl with some real ambition.

When I turned 30, I found a smart ambitious girl with her feet planted firmly on the ground, so I married her. She was so ambitious that she divorced me and took everything I owned.

I am older and wiser now, and I am looking for a girl with big tits.

Much love to RJ for sending this one in.

A Jewish Beach Story

A widowed Jewish lady, still in good shape, was sunbathing on a deserted beach in  Boca Raton , Florida .

She looked up and noticed that a man her age, also in good shape, had walked up, placed his blanket on the sand near hers and began reading a book. Smiling, she attempted to strike up a conversation with him.

“How are you today?”

“Fine, thank you,” he responded, and turned back to his book.

“I love the beach. Do you come here often?” she asked.

“First time since my wife passed away 2 years ago,” he replied and turned back to his book.

“I’m sorry to hear that. My husband passed away three years ago and it is very lonely, she countered. “Do you live around here?” She asked.

“Yes, I live over in Coral Springs ” he answered, and again he resumed reading.

Trying to find a topic of common  interest, she persisted, “Do you like pussy cats?”

With that, the man dropped his book, came over to her blanket, tore off her swimsuit and gave her the most passionate lovemaking of her life.

When the cloud of sand began to settle, she gasped and asked the man, “How did you know that was what I wanted?”

The man replied. “How did you know my name was Katz?”