Category Archives: Rated R for Rude

Porn Kills!

As little boys growing up, we all heard the warnings about going blind, growing hair on your palms, burning in hell for eternity, etc.

But apparently, the negative effects of self-gratification are even more severe for women and can include sudden death!

Listen up out there ladies, this is a need-to-know situation.

According to this story on the Daily Mail web site, 30 year-old British nanny Nichola Paginton managed to masturbate to death last October in her Cirencester home.

A 30-year-old woman’s death as she used a sex toy while watching pornography was probably due to her state of sexual excitement, an inquest heard today.

Children’s nanny Nichola Paginton was found dead in bed naked from the waist down last October with pornographic material running on her laptop. A sex toy was discovered next to her.

A Home Office pathologist told the inquest in Gloucester that Miss Paginton died from a sudden heart arrhythmia, probably brought on by her state of arousal.

Gloucestershire coroner Alan Crickmore agreed it was likely that ‘her activity before death’ contributed to the fatal arrhythmia.

I hesitate to make light of someone’s untimely death, so let’s just take what we can learn from poor Nicola’s misfortune and move on:

  1. Always wait 30 minutes after eating
  2. No more than one piece of technology in bed at any time
  3. Stay well hydrated
  4. Lather, rinse, repeat.

Beneath The Valley Of The Ultravixens

Found a great new video site today: Weirdo Video. Here’s the first of what I’m sure will be a lot of films I’ll be bringing you; the theatrical trailer for the Russ Meyer “sexploitation” film (co-written by Roger Ebert), Beneath The Valley Of The Ultravixens.

There’s a great run-on sentence in the middle of the voice-over. I’d love to have a transcription of it.

Heads On A Plane!

Heads On A Plane!Yikes kids! According to this story on the NBC Dallas web site, a box filled with 40-60 human heads was discovered by a suspicious Southwest Airlines employee in Little Rock.

The employee stopped a courier and asked “What’s in the box?” When the courier professed not to know the answer the airline guy opened the box, looked in and got the surprise of his life.

This is definitely a case of You Know You’re Having A Bad Day At Work When…

Do You Ngurah, Take This Bovine to be Your Lawfully Wedded Wife?

According to this story in the Jakarta Globe, well… read it for yourself.

C'mon Baby, you KNOW you want it

A Balinese teenager caught in the act of intercourse with a cow passed out on Friday when he was forced to marry the animal in a ceremony witnessed by hundreds of curious onlookers.

As the Jakarta Globe reported earlier in the day, Ngurah Alit, 18, an unemployed youth from the seaside village of Yeh Embang in Jembrana, was caught stark naked positioned behind the cow in a rice paddy field.

In his defence, Alit admitted to the act of bestiality but claimed the cow, which he believed was a young and beautiful woman, had wooed him with flattering compliments.

As part of a Pecaruan ritual, a ceremony to cleanse the village of the unholy act of a man mating with a cow, Alit was forced to “marry” the animal.

Alit, however, according to Detik.com, passed out surrounded by locals and police, who were attempting to prevent a number of journalists from covering the spectacle.

It is unclear whether or not he got to say “I do.”

Shamelessly stolen from Dvorak.com.

SHILF

Honey, would you pass me that tube of lanolin please?

Mister Popularity

Yes ladies, he’s young – and not very attractive… but oh so talented!

Let’s face it, for some reason God loves this boy. And, for some reason, so do all the girls he knows.

RentBoy.com: Favorite Site of Gay-Bashing Evangelist Dr. Boy-George Rekers

Oh kids, this one has everything!

Sex, lies, religion, hypocrisy, international intrigue and a web site called RentBoy.com. Uncle Frankie couldn’t be happier if he were gay.

Dr. Boy-George Rekers likes 'em young, tight - and male!

Dr. Boy-George Rekers likes 'em young, tight - and male!

I hardly know where to start with this story, so let’s take it in chronological order.

Back in 1983 Dr. Rekers, a Baptist minister and a professor of Neuropsychiatry & Behavioral Science Emeritus at the University of South Carolina School of Medicine, co-founded the anti-gay Family Research Council with televangelist Dr. James Dobson. Rekers is also a board member of the National Association for Research & Therapy of Homosexuality (NARTH) and over the years has been a vehement opponent of same-sex marriage and legal rights for gay partners while trying to convince people to “stop being gay” through therapy.

You with me so far?

Fast-forward to last month. Rekers and a young male escort who likes to be called “Lucien” (oh my, too much like Lucifer?) meet on RentBoy.com. Three guesses what that site’s all about.

Rekers invites Lucien to spend 10 days with him in Europe, ostensibly to carry his luggage (“you’ve got enough foreskin to make a set of luggage!”) because of a supposed problem with Rekers’ back.

Sadly for Rekers, upon their return, he and Lucien were spotted by a reporter for the Miami New Times walking through Miami International Airport after picking up their “bags.” Oddly, Rekers was pushing a cart with a huge pile of suitcases in spite of his infirmity.

When asked what was going on, Rekers said he was only “trying to save the soul of a lost sinner” but the reporter wasn’t buying it and things quickly spun out of control – he’s been lampooned by everyone from Steven Colbert to Jay Leno.

Rekers has subsequently released a statement saying in part that he took Lucien to Europe to “inspire him to accept Jesus into his heart and renounce his homosexuality.”

Rekers please!

Now dear reader, if you’re in the market for a discrete homosexual rental situation, please don’t look to RentBoy.com. Here are a couple of choice tidbits Lucien had to share about Dr. Rekers after spending 10 days alone with him:

“It’s a situation where he’s going against homosexuality when he is a homosexual,”

“In all honesty, he should disassociate himself from these [anti-gay] groups.”

Rekers allegedly named his favorite maneuver the “long stroke” — a complicated caress “across his penis, thigh… and his anus over the butt cheeks,” as the escort puts it. “Rekers liked to be rubbed down there,” he says.

YIKES! One thing I’ll say for Dr. Rekers; he knows what he likes. I think.

The “bottom” line for Uncle Frankie: I’m sick and tired of people telling other people how to live. I don’t care if Dr. Boy-George is gay, I don’t care what Lucien does for a living and I have no problem with the two of them engaging in a business transaction of this type.

The only thing I have a problem with is Dr. Boy-George spending 27 years telling gays they are going to hell and trying to “cure” them therapeutically. I’d be pissed about that even if he didn’t turn about to be a bone-smoking hypocrite.

As far as I’m concerned the same thing goes for the hierarchy of the Catholic church and everything that group of dried-up old men have to say about anything regarding other people’s morals. When it comes to living in a glass house you have to go a long way to beat stained glass windows.

Phew! I’m so worked up I’m shaking too hard to step down off my soapbox. Somebody get me a drink and Lucien on the phone. I think I need a rubdown!