Category Archives: Children & Pets

Attack of the Pool Poopers

Andrew "Am I going to be someone's jailhouse bitch?" Harris is on the left, while Michael "Yeah I did it and I'd do it again" Cline is on the right

There are some acts that are so beyond stupidity that they cannot be attributed to mental defect, drug abuse or youthful idiocy.

Such is the case of these two morons, who were recently arrested for throwing their own feces into the huge swimming pool at St. Petersburg’s swankiest hotel, the Renaissance Vinoy Resort & Golf Club.

The two idiots in question, eighteen-year-old Andrew Harris and 19-year-old Michael Cline were captured on surveillance video scaling the fence around the pool and then, well, this quote from abcactionnews.com says it all:

According to a police report the video shows Harris  “deficated in his shorts, reached into his shorts and fling feces all over the pool.” Police say Harris then reached into his shorts, grabbed another handful of feces, dove into the pool and smeared it along the bottom of the pool in the shape of an “X.”

Both teens then climbed into the hotel’s hot tub where police found them a short time later.

Harris decided the best way to pull off this caper was to shit his pants? For some reason that has never occurred to me as the optimal course of action – particularly as the first step in my plan.

These two boneheads make me ashamed to be a white male, ashamed that I was ever their age, hell they make me ashamed to be a human being!

I can hardly wait to hear what their punishment will be. Stay tuned…

Cats That Look Like Hitler

This is an odd site, but funny:
Cats That Look Like Hitler

Here are a couple of sample pics.

Who’s Your Daddy?

A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered.

Upon their arrival, the doctor said that the hospital was testing an amazing new high-tech machine that would transfer a portion of the mother’s labor pain to the baby’s father.

He asked if they were interested.

Both said they were very much in favor of it.

The doctor set the pain transfer to 10% for starters, explaining that even 10% was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before. But as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and kick it up a notch.

The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% pain transfer.

The husband was still feeling fine.

The doctor then checked the husband’s blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing.

At this point they decided to try for 50%. The husband continued to feel quite well.

Since the pain transfer was obviously helping the wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him.

The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain and the husband had experienced none.

She and her husband were ecstatic.

When they got home they found the postman dead on the porch.

“Hugs and smiles” to Vicki O for sending this one in.

A Born Salesman

Wanna' buy a toothbrush?

Wanna' buy a toothbrush?

The kids filed back into class Monday morning. They were very excited.

Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on productive salesmanship.

Little Sally led off: “I sold girl scout cookies and I made $30,” she said proudly, “My sales approach was to appeal to the customer’s civil spirit and I credit that approach for my obvious success.”

“Very good,” said the teacher.

Little Jenny was next:

“I sold magazines,” she said, “I made $45 and I explained to everyone that magazines would keep them up on current events.”

“Very good, Jenny,” said the teacher.

Eventually, it was Little Johnny’s turn.

The teacher held her breath …

Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a box full of cash on the teacher’s desk.

“$2,467,” he said.

“$2,467!” cried the teacher, “What in the world were you selling?”

“Toothbrushes,” said Little Johnny.

“Toothbrushes!” echoed the teacher, “How could you possibly sell enough tooth brushes to make that much money?”

“I found the busiest corner in town,” said Little Johnny, “I set up a Chip & Dip stand and gave everybody who walked by a free sample.”

They all said the same thing, “Hey, this tastes like dog shit!”

Then I would say, “It is dog shit. Wanna’ buy a toothbrush?”

Many thanks to Vicki O for sending this one in.

Horse Boy: International Man of Mystery

Famous, Anonymous and Equine

Famous, Anonymous and Equine

Have you seen this man, uh, I mean horse?

You would have seen him had you been in Street View while surfing Google Maps for the area around Aberdeen, Scotland.

I don’t know who he is, what he’s doing wearing a horse mask or if he knew that the Google Street View photo minions were coming through Aberdeen that day but I do know this: he’s my hero.

Let’s face it, that’s how I like my men: complicated. This guy is simultaneously famous and anonymous. And equine. No report from the BBC if he’s hung like one as well.

It would be great for someone to track where the Google photogs are headed and organize people to create scenes like this around the world.

Doggy Doo Dough

Doggy Doo Dough

Life Is Good!

According to this story from the AP reported on WTOPNews.com, Steve Wilson, an employee of Doody Calls Pet Waste Removal Services, found $58 in cash sticking out of a pile of poo.

Steve, being the dedicated poo picker that he is, gathered up the soiled bills and returned them to the seen of the grime.

The Association of Professional Animal Waste Specialists says Wilson is the first person in his profession to find and report money in dog poop.

I recently heard Mike Rowe of “Dirty Jobs” fame say that “You shouldn’t follow your passion, you should take it with you” into whatever task you tackle. I wonder what Mike would say about Steve. Maybe Steve’s job is a good candidate for an upcoming episode.

Do You Ngurah, Take This Bovine to be Your Lawfully Wedded Wife?

According to this story in the Jakarta Globe, well… read it for yourself.

C'mon Baby, you KNOW you want it

A Balinese teenager caught in the act of intercourse with a cow passed out on Friday when he was forced to marry the animal in a ceremony witnessed by hundreds of curious onlookers.

As the Jakarta Globe reported earlier in the day, Ngurah Alit, 18, an unemployed youth from the seaside village of Yeh Embang in Jembrana, was caught stark naked positioned behind the cow in a rice paddy field.

In his defence, Alit admitted to the act of bestiality but claimed the cow, which he believed was a young and beautiful woman, had wooed him with flattering compliments.

As part of a Pecaruan ritual, a ceremony to cleanse the village of the unholy act of a man mating with a cow, Alit was forced to “marry” the animal.

Alit, however, according to Detik.com, passed out surrounded by locals and police, who were attempting to prevent a number of journalists from covering the spectacle.

It is unclear whether or not he got to say “I do.”

Shamelessly stolen from Dvorak.com.