I May Have A Small Crank, But My Police Baton Is Just The Right Size

Respect My Authori-TIE!!

Maybe Big Brother isn’t so big after all.

According to this story on The Smoking Gun web site, a TSA employee named Rolando Negrin has been arrested for assault after allegedly beating the crap out of a co-worker with a police baton.

What prompted the beating? Apparently Negrin could no longer bear the daily humiliation he was receiving from his co-workers after a security scanner revealed the diminutive size of his manhood during a training session.

“The X-ray revealed that [Negrin] has a small penis and co-workers made fun of him on a daily basis,” reported cops. Following his arrest, Negrin told police that he “could not take the jokes anymore and lost his mind.”

This one really cracks me up. According to Israeli airport security officials, these scanners are absolutely useless when it comes to stopping a smart, determined terrorist. That’s why they are not used at Ben-Gurion International Airport. Clearly however, they’re great when it comes to party jokes!

"These scanners are proven to cause shrinkage. No, really."

Luckily, I don’t know what it would be like to go through life as a man wife the wrong size tool (no posted comments from my ex-wife to the contrary will be approved for publication), but I’ve got to figure it’s pretty tough! The last thing any man with this problem needs is for everyone at his workplace to have photographic evidence – and use it against him on a daily basis. What a nightmare.

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