I wasn’t going to blog about this kids.
I was hoping he would just go away and I could act like I never saw him. But it’s been over two hours and he’s still out there.
I live in a beautiful apartment complex in Chandler, Arizona. My second-floor apartment looks out over a huge pool with a beach, palm trees and two waterfalls. Really nice place.
Tonight, after two months of peaceful habitation, I spotted him from my balcony as he exited the Jacuzzi: Thong Man.
At first I thought he was completely naked. It was nighttime, and all I could see was a dark area in his pubic region so small it couldn’t possibly be a bathing suit. To tell you the truth, I would have found that less disturbing than the truth.
The man is wearing a thong so small it looks like pubic hair from the front and dental floss from the back. He is constantly pacing around, carrying a small indefinable white satchel of some kind, constantly stretching and craning, adjusting his thong and apparently looking for someone. Perhaps a special friend he has an appointment with?
Like I said, I was just going to ignore him and pretend it never happened. Then I went back out on my balcony two hours later only to see his frightening visage yet again. Thank God, he hasn’t spotted me. Yet. I hope.
Who is he? What is he? What does he want? Is he a new neighbor? AAAARGGHH! Lord, deliver me.
How do I know he’s gay? Just a guess.
BTW: the picture above is just the closest approximation I could find of his thong on the web. Too dark for a picture of Thong Man from here.
I wish I could say this is the strangest thing I’ve ever seen. If you’re very good, I’ll tell you many other stories of personal experiences ranging from ducklings to Vikings, police brutality to head-on collisions, Paper Towel Man to Scary Mary, armed kidnapping to a race riot. And, dare I say, everything in-between.
It’s been an interesting journey for old Uncle Frank my friends.