Kill Mom. Buy Boobs.

Undoubtedly a plan hatched in a brain addled by Testosterone.

According to, 18 year-old Nikita Lee Weis of Fountain, Colorado hired two guys to beat his mother’s head in with a small baseball bat so he could sell her car and take money from her bank account to buy breast implants for his girlfriend.

Mom escaped bleeding, beaten and befuddled about her boy. The two thugs, Nikita and his girlfriend have all been charged with conspiracy to commit first-degree murder.

I know what you’re thinking, “What did she think would happen when she named her son Nikita Lee?” Probably never heard Johnny Cash sing A Boy Named Sue.

I think where she went wrong was breastfeeding the boy as an infink.

Is there really a surprise here? She gives him a facefull of tits for months on end – then takes ’em away and never gives ’em back!

See? Nikita’s plan was elegantly simple and perfectly logical: Revenge on Mom and Return to the Land of Milk and Honey.

Why do women find men so hard to understand?

3 responses to “Kill Mom. Buy Boobs.

  1. “Nikita” might just have been an old family name. Remember Khrushchev?

  2. Is this where the idea for airbags came from???

  3. Pingback: 2010 in Review According to Wordpress | Stuff Frank Finds Funny

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