Today, Anyone Can Sing (Thanks To Technology)

I think Uncle Frankie needs one of them new-fangled Autotuners!

Technology marches on.

Hate The iPhone? Watch This!

Give it a least a minute before you give up. This is funny.

“Fuck it. My sister says Walgreen’s has iPhones in stock.”

Porn Kills!

As little boys growing up, we all heard the warnings about going blind, growing hair on your palms, burning in hell for eternity, etc.

But apparently, the negative effects of self-gratification are even more severe for women and can include sudden death!

Listen up out there ladies, this is a need-to-know situation.

According to this story on the Daily Mail web site, 30 year-old British nanny Nichola Paginton managed to masturbate to death last October in her Cirencester home.

A 30-year-old woman’s death as she used a sex toy while watching pornography was probably due to her state of sexual excitement, an inquest heard today.

Children’s nanny Nichola Paginton was found dead in bed naked from the waist down last October with pornographic material running on her laptop. A sex toy was discovered next to her.

A Home Office pathologist told the inquest in Gloucester that Miss Paginton died from a sudden heart arrhythmia, probably brought on by her state of arousal.

Gloucestershire coroner Alan Crickmore agreed it was likely that ‘her activity before death’ contributed to the fatal arrhythmia.

I hesitate to make light of someone’s untimely death, so let’s just take what we can learn from poor Nicola’s misfortune and move on:

1. Always wait 30 minutes after eating
2. No more than one piece of technology in bed at any time
3. Stay well hydrated
4. Lather, rinse, repeat.

The Doll Husband

She never says no

Regular readers know that I often question why women put up with men. But let’s face it ladies, life with you guys isn’t always a joyride.

As quoted from an episode in the original Star Trek series, women are truly “The bringers of pain and delight.”

So what’s a guy to do? You can’t live with ‘em and you can’t live without ‘em.

Apparently, thousands of American men (like Dave Cat, pictured here with his half-white, half-Japanese “wife” Shidora) have decided that the answer is to pay $6,500 for a lifelike doll.

According to the National Geographic web site promoting their series Taboo:

Doll lovers can sometimes be referred to “iDollators,” and seek a community of others online, mashing together the ideas of art and pornography that brings a very thin line between desire, lust, and fetishism.

Thousands of men pay $6,500 for each doll.

The reason for having a love doll vary among owners. Psychiatrists say there’s no one common denominator behind all love doll owners.

For some men, doll love can hinder normal emotional development, since intimacy with real people is an important part of maturity.

Men sometimes carry on the complete control over the dolls to relationships with real women, which may inflict harm, emotionally and physically.

In spite of my myriad issues dealing with the opposite sex, I’m not ready to go quite this far.

Yet.

Java Forever!

Alright kids, this one’s an inside joke that’s probably only going to be funny for Uncle Frankie and a small circle of his geeky friends who do programming and web development. But I had to post it nonetheless because it fulfilled my Rule #1: it made me laugh out loud.

While employed at a certain large company in the American Southwest, Your Friend Flicka (that’s me) engaged in a long-running battle with a German-born IT Director over using an a server running an open-source operating system instead of Microsoft .net, which this computer-controlling Kraut insisted on.

Believe me when I tell you, it was a six month-long corporate pissing contest of the highest order between me as the new guy and the long-established IT wonk who simply would not even consider any software or OS that didn’t come from Redmond. Long story short, I won the battle but lost the war.

I apologize to all of you who don’t get the humor of this one and demand to hear from that small number of you who are currently laughing your asses off.