The Doll Husband

She never says no

Regular readers know that I often question why women put up with men. But let’s face it ladies, life with you guys isn’t always a joyride.

As quoted from an episode in the original Star Trek series, women are truly “The bringers of pain and delight.”

So what’s a guy to do? You can’t live with ‘em and you can’t live without ‘em.

Apparently, thousands of American men (like Dave Cat, pictured here with his half-white, half-Japanese “wife” Shidora) have decided that the answer is to pay $6,500 for a lifelike doll.

According to the National Geographic web site promoting their series Taboo:

Doll lovers can sometimes be referred to “iDollators,” and seek a community of others online, mashing together the ideas of art and pornography that brings a very thin line between desire, lust, and fetishism.

Thousands of men pay $6,500 for each doll.

The reason for having a love doll vary among owners. Psychiatrists say there’s no one common denominator behind all love doll owners.

For some men, doll love can hinder normal emotional development, since intimacy with real people is an important part of maturity.

Men sometimes carry on the complete control over the dolls to relationships with real women, which may inflict harm, emotionally and physically.

In spite of my myriad issues dealing with the opposite sex, I’m not ready to go quite this far.

Yet.

Bring In The Decoy Jews!

It doesn't make him a bad person

According to this story from the AP, Dutch officials in Amsterdam are considering having undercover agents pose as “Decoy Jews” in order to combat hate crimes.

“For ten years now Jews who are recognizable as such from their clothing can’t walk peacefully on the street,” the Center for Information and Documentation Israel, a Jewish activist group, said in a statement Friday. “The perpetrators of this kind of incident almost always get away unpunished.”

I’m sure this is a great idea but my question is, who does the casting for this part and what criteria are used to decide whether a given undercover agent would make an effective Decoy Jew?

Will they look for the same stereotypical facial features that your average bigot would recognize as distinctively Jewish? Or will they go truly undercover and bring in blond-haired blue-eyed Dutch boys and plop yarmulkes on their heads?

Kids, your old Uncle Frankie has been mistaken for a Decoy Jew many times in the past, without incident or offense. While I am not Jewish (strictly speaking or strictly kosher) some of my best friends are, God bless them.

These days, in keeping with the demographic changes sweeping the nation, I’m going for more of a Stealth Mexican look.

Kim Jong-il to Obama: Give Me All Your Money Yo!

Me love you long time!

North Korea’s long-running policy of quietly extorting money from the U.S. and South Korea through threat of force has finally come out in the open.

According to this story on the Australian Broadcasting Company web site, the normally secretive regime of Supreme Leader Kim Jong-il is seeking $65 trillion (that’s right, with a T) in damages it says the U.S. has caused North Korea in the 60 years since the beginning of the Korean War.

KCNA (the North Korean news agency) said the figure includes $US26.1 trillion arising from US “atrocities” which left more than 5 million North Koreans dead, wounded, kidnapped or missing.

The agency also claims 60 years of US sanctions have caused a loss of $US13.7 trillion by 2005, while property losses were estimated at $US16.7 trillion.

Personally, I would agree that North Korea has lost trillions of dollars in the last 60 years. Just look at the difference between the standard of living there and in South Korea. The only area where Uncle Frankie and Dear Leader disagree is in where to place the blame. It’s all on you Lil’ Kim!

This would be funnier if it weren’t for the real threat that North Korea poses. They can stir-up real trouble in a Pyongyang minute and everyone knows it. What the hell? If we can bail out AIG why not the DPRK?

IBM Supercomputer to Appear on Jeopardy!

This is pretty spooky. According to this article on cnet news, an IBM supercomputer named Watson will compete against two human opponents on the game show Jeopardy! as soon as this fall.

I’ve been a fan of Jeopardy! since back when Art Fleming was the host, but never thought I’d see this day come. I also “auditioned” for Jeopardy! recently using their online testing and failed miserably.

If this machine can not only come up with the answers, but understand and process human speech, vet through the puns and hints, convert the answer to the form of a question – and click the button – faster than a couple of the best trivia players in the world, we’re all in big trouble.

Uncle Frankie’s Cousin Frankie McDowell Makes an Important Announcement

ATTENTION!!! My cousin Frankie McDowell has a very important announcement for all U.S. citizens living along the Pacific coast (and Vancouver, British Columbia Canada):

I hope you were paying close attention. No further warnings will be given, though I have instructed Cousin Frankie to text me with any updates.

Stay tuned…