How Moses Got The 10 Commandments

As you know kids, Uncle Frankie is a proud equal-opportunity offender.

In keeping with that long-standing tradition, if you are not personally offended by something in the following joke, well, you should be offended.

Why?

Because the only time I don’t offend someone is if I don’t like them.

How Moses Got The 10 Commandments

God went to the Arabs and said, ‘I have Commandments for you that will make your lives better.’

The Arabs asked, ‘What are Commandments?’

And the Lord said, ‘They are rules for living.’

‘Can you give us an example?’

‘Thou shall not kill.’

‘Not kill? We’re not interested.’

So He went to the Blacks and said, ‘I have Commandments.’

The Blacks wanted an example, and the Lord said, ‘Honor thy Father and Mother.’

‘Father? We don’t know who our fathers are. We’re not interested.’

Then He went to the Mexicans and said, ‘I have Commandments.’

The Mexicans also wanted an example, and the Lord said ‘Thou shall not steal.’

‘Not steal? We’re not interested.’

Then He went to the French and said, ‘I have Commandments.’

The French too wanted an example and the Lord said, ‘Thou shall not commit adultery’

Sacre blue!!! Not commit adultery? We’re not interested.’

Finally, He went to the Jews and said, ‘I have Commandments.’

‘Commandments?’ They said, ‘How much are they?’

‘They’re free.’

‘We’ll take 10.’

Thanks to RJ for this one.

The Top 10 Cartoon Theme Songs

While I don’t agree with most of Time Magazine’s choices on this list (where’s Tom Slick, George of the Jungle or The Banana Splits?), it’s still a fun trip down memory lane.

Enjoy!

Kiwis Invented The Condom, But Limeys Perfected It

In 1872 the Kiwi’s (New Zealanders) invented the condom by using a sheep intestine.

In 1873 the English refined the idea by taking the intestine out of the sheep.

Kim Jong-il to Obama: Give Me All Your Money Yo!

Me love you long time!

North Korea’s long-running policy of quietly extorting money from the U.S. and South Korea through threat of force has finally come out in the open.

According to this story on the Australian Broadcasting Company web site, the normally secretive regime of Supreme Leader Kim Jong-il is seeking $65 trillion (that’s right, with a T) in damages it says the U.S. has caused North Korea in the 60 years since the beginning of the Korean War.

KCNA (the North Korean news agency) said the figure includes $US26.1 trillion arising from US “atrocities” which left more than 5 million North Koreans dead, wounded, kidnapped or missing.

The agency also claims 60 years of US sanctions have caused a loss of $US13.7 trillion by 2005, while property losses were estimated at $US16.7 trillion.

Personally, I would agree that North Korea has lost trillions of dollars in the last 60 years. Just look at the difference between the standard of living there and in South Korea. The only area where Uncle Frankie and Dear Leader disagree is in where to place the blame. It’s all on you Lil’ Kim!

This would be funnier if it weren’t for the real threat that North Korea poses. They can stir-up real trouble in a Pyongyang minute and everyone knows it. What the hell? If we can bail out AIG why not the DPRK?

Beneath The Valley Of The Ultravixens

Found a great new video site today: Weirdo Video. Here’s the first of what I’m sure will be a lot of films I’ll be bringing you; the theatrical trailer for the Russ Meyer “sexploitation” film (co-written by Roger Ebert), Beneath The Valley Of The Ultravixens.

There’s a great run-on sentence in the middle of the voice-over. I’d love to have a transcription of it.