Sensitivity Test for Men

This test is intended exclusively for straight, red-blooded U.S. Males.

Please answer each question below as quickly and honestly as possible.

If you answer more than zero questions either “A” or “B” you must turn in your American Manly Men membership card at the nearest Curves Fitness Center

1. In the company of females, intercourse should be referred to as:
   A. Lovemaking.
   B. Screwing.
   C. Riding the baloney pony all the way to tuna town.
2. You should make love to a woman for the first time only after you have both shared:
   A. Your views about what you expect from a sexual relationship.
   B. Your blood-test results.
   C. Five tequila slammers.
3. You time your orgasm so that:
   A. Your partner climaxes first.
   B. You both climax simultaneously.
   C. You don’t miss ESPN Sports Center.
4. Passionate, spontaneous sex on the kitchen floor is:
   A. Healthy, creative love-play..
   B. Not the sort of thing your wife would agree to.
   C. Not the sort of thing your wife needs to ever find out about.
5. Spending the whole night cuddling a woman you have just had sex with is:
   A. The best part of the experience.
   B. The second best part of the experience.
   C. $700 extra.
6. Your wife/girlfriend says she’s gained five pounds in the last month. You tell her that it is:
   A. Of no influence on your affectionate feelings for her.
   B. Not a problem, she can join your gym.
   C. A conservative estimate.
7. You think today’s sensitive, caring man is:
   A. A myth.
   B. An oxymoron.
   C. A moron.
8. Foreplay is to sex as:
   A. An appetizer is to entree.
   B. Primer is to paint.
   C. A long line is to an amusement park ride.
9. Which of the following are you most likely to find yourself saying at the end of a relationship?
   A. I hope we can still be friends.
   B. I’m not in right now, please leave a message at the beep.
   C. Welcome to Dumpsville, USA. Population, YOU.
10. A woman who is uncomfortable watching you masturbate:
    A. Probably needs a little more time before she can cope with that sort of intimacy.
    B. Is uptight and a waste of time.
    C. Shouldn’t have sat next to you on the bus in the first place

Muchas Gracias to Geno The Magnificent for sending this one in over the transom.

Why You Drink

Check out GraphJam.com for more of the same.

Going For More Beer

Don’t know if you caught this one on YouTube but it is worth a watch.

Be sure to watch the very end. Enjoy!

Mucho props to Big Dog for sending this one in.

How to Spell “Stupid” in Russian

Ah, the decisions we make while under the influence…

You don’t have to understand Russian to understand what these guys are saying.

How to Know if You’re Edumacted

Two Texas farmers, Bubba and Jimbo, are sitting at their favorite bar, drinking beer.

Bubba turns to Jimbo and says, “You know, I’m tired of going through life without an education. Tomorrow I think I’ll go to the community college, and sign up for some classes.”

Jimbo thinks it’s a good idea, and the two leave.

The next day, Bubba goes down to the college and meets with the Dean of Admissions who signs him up for the four basic classes: Math, English, History, and Logic.

“Logic?” Bubba says. “What’s that?”

The dean says, “I’ll give you an example. Do you own a weed eater?”

“Yeah.”

“Then logically speaking, because you own a weed eater, I think that you would have a yard.”

“That’s true, I do have a yard.”

“I’m not done,” the dean says. “Because you have a yard, I think logically that you would have a house.”

“Yes, I do have a house.”

“And because you have a house, I think that you might logically have a family.”

“Yes, I have a family.”

“I’m not done yet. Because you have a family, then logically you must have a wife. And because you have a wife, then logic tells me you must be a heterosexual.”

“I am a heterosexual. That’s amazing; you were able to find out all of that because I have a weed eater.”

Excited to take the class now, Bubba shakes the Dean’s hand and leaves to go meet Jimbo at the bar. He tells Jimbo about his classes, how he is signed up for Math, English, History, and Logic.

“Logic?” Jimbo says, “What’s that?”

Bubba says, “I’ll give you an example. Do you have a weed eater?”

“No.”

“Then you’re a queer.

Thanks to RJ for sending this one in.