A Man’s Wife Comes In…

A man’s wife comes in wearing a sexy gown and tells him, “Tie me up and do anything you want.”

He ties her up, screws her sister and goes fishing.

Thanks to Gloria for sharing that one.

Homeless Frank, Macintosh Man

When it comes to computers, Uncle Frankie swings both ways. I’m equally adept with Macs or PCs.

Of course, just like our hero in this video, I prefer Macs. But, as you will see, PCs have their uses as well.

ILVTOFU

How do you read that line?

Well, according to the Colorado Independent, the Colorado Department of Motor Vehicles said that it could be interpreted as a sexual message and so denied a vegan’s request to express their love of tofu on their license plate.

Is there no limit to which Big Brother will not go to keep us down?

The Nagging Stops When The Bars Slam Shut

There are a lot of ways to make a marriage work (or so I’ve been told). This is probably not one of them.

How’s this sound as the description of a perfect wife gentlemen? She’s locked up for life, probably for murder. She hasn’t enjoyed the attentions of a man in years. She’s young, attractive, has a lot of “spirit” and most probably is a real firecracker in the sack. Best of all, she’ll sleep with you!

But here’s the catch: you have to marry her first. And you’ll most probably be doing your “sleeping” inside a prison, only once per month and possibly for as little as an hour at a time. Hardly a cat nap!

How can you meet this woman of your dreams? Simple, just surf on over to ConjugalHarmony.com, type in your zip code and peruse the listings of lovelies in your area.

Some of the listings are hilarious – and more than a little bit scary! Here’s a great example from a cute little Asian sweetheart named Teardrop (a tattoo of a teardrop next to the eye is like a medal for having committed murder):

So, if you’re one of those guys who just can’t seem to meet the right girl (or even speak to a woman) on the “outside,” spend some time on the site. I’m sure you’ll find your better half.

My celly doesn’t get me and she won’t take a walk on the pink side for me.

LOL!

BTW: The headline of this post is not my creation; it’s the tagline of the web site.

The Next Hot Franchise Opportunity?

DIAL-A-LLAMA!

Here’s what it says on the door:

Need A Llama?

Deliveries Anywhere, Anytime!

No Visas Required!

Now why didn’t I think of that?

Disclaimer: Not available in Nebraska or the Chinese province of Tibet. Your results may vary.

Viral Video Catfight

Everybody loves a catfight, right? Well most guys do at least.

In this highly-produced, blatantly commercial viral video, two hotties go after each other with light sabres. And the results are, shall I say, provocative.

While the commercial plug and the credits roll at the end are disappointing, the beginning – and a couple of other short sequences – met the criterion of Uncle Frankie’s Rule Number One for posting on this site.

Take a peek and post a comment with your reactions.

Tits, Ass… and Cholesterol

Went to lunch at a place called The Heart Attack Grill on Thursday with a few friends. Unbelievable.

It’s like a cross between a strip club and a Burger King. Nothing on the menu but gigantic burgers and hand-cut fries deep-fried in lard. One of their many innovations is an all-you-can-eat french fry bar. Why didn’t I think of that?

Personally, I’m not offended. In fact, I’m fascinated by the business model this guy has put together!

This is a franchise waiting to happen. The burgers are dynamite but the fries are not for me. But the vast selection of beers and tequila is right up my alley. And the girls are really hot!

Believe me gentlemen, if you’ve been looking for an excuse to fly out to Arizona for a golf vacation, the Heart Attack Grill is it!

Pimping The Man For Fun And Revenge

Everyone hates Big Brother. And there’s no better example of the unwanted and impersonal technological intrusion of the government into our lives than traffic cameras that bust speeders and red light runners.

Say "Cheese" You Random Bastard!

Here in Arizona, we had Santas covering speed cameras with holiday wrapping in December. And now, in my old stomping grounds in the DC area, there are high school students putting the technology to nefarious use with an ingenious plan.

According to the Montgomery County Sentinel newspaper’s web site, students at Wooton High School in Rockville, Maryland are exacting revenge on teachers, other students and just about anyone they want by creating counterfeit license plates, pasting them on cars similar to the victims’ and purposefully speeding past law enforcement cameras! They call it the Speed Camera Pimping Game.

I love it! These kids are turning the government’s technology into a tool for crime and, so far, getting away with it. As one parent notes in the article, this scam brings the credibility of the entire camera program into question. Which, in my opinion, is a good thing.

“The practice of sending speeding tickets to faceless recipients without any type of verification is unwarranted and an exploitation of our rights.”

Once the word gets out on this scam, I see it spreading nationwide and am hopeful that it will have a significantly negative effect on the use of these cameras a de facto ATMs for local governments.

Uncle Frankie: New Media Douchebag

Guilty as charged Your Honor.

Who’s your favorite New Media Douchebag? I’m mine.

Muchas Gracias to The Lex for sending this one in.

Your Ass Hanging Out In The Wind

I recently had to explain to someone that this expression means “feeling vulnerable.” I wouldn’t have to explain it to this guy.

According to The Smoking Gun, this poor SOB slid through the back of a ski lift seat which had not been folded down into its fully-locked position, and hung there for 15 minutes before Vail ski resort personnel could get him down.

Perhaps the only person more horrified by this incident than the victim (and his rescuers) is the child who was riding with him (shown still sitting on the lift above our hero). Another group who is shivering in their (ski) boots is Vail’s legal team which is sure to be paying through the ass to help take the chill off this guy’s berries.